Thursday, July 13, 2006

So, Laurie, where *did* you go last night?

So, where did I go last night? (Well, technically, this morning?) Well, I'm so glad you asked. Funny story. Really. It was a hoot.

So, Jake and I went to sleep last night, as we so often do. I was awakened by the ringing of the telephone around midnight. Thought briefly of not answering it, but then answered it anyway.

Bad move.

It was Dickface. Needing a really big favor. Calling me from the b a c k
o f
t h e
p o l i c e
c r u i s e r.


Seems some other motorists noticed him driving rather erratically, and called it in. And some nice policemen stopped him and smelled alcohol on him and notices him kind of swaying, decided that it would be best if they had his car towed and put him in the back of their car. And then he called me. To come pick him up at the police station. In Weymouth. Half an hour drive away from me. Then Mr. Nice Policeman wanted to talk to me. He explained what was going on, and that he (Mr. Nice Policeman) must be an exceptionally good mood tonight, because instead of booking Dickface, they had decided that perhaps he was just a bit over-tired, and they were certain that he should not be driving, but perhaps it would be alright if someone were to pick him up. And then Mr. Nice Policeman described how Dickface appeared to be behaving, and asked if this was typical for him, or unusual behavior. [code: is he always a stupid ass and should we take him straight to jail, or is he a good guy who screwed up and deserves a break] Do I need to spell out for you how drunk on Dickface-destroying power I was at that moment? But, alas, I took the high road. No, Mr. Nice Policeman, this isn't like him at all. He's a good guy.

So, Mr. Nice Policeman is SUCH a nice man, that, after I explained that I was not familiar with that town, that he picked an easy-to-find, open-24-hour-pharmacy, right off of the highway, for me to pick Dickface up at, instead of the police station. Isn't he the nicest policeman, ever? And, after I further explained that I was going to have to bring my 10 year old son with me, he even said he would make sure that they shut of the flashing lights to the police car. Mustn't let the poor boy know daddy was busted, right?

So, I got to:

  • get woken up in the middle of the night
  • talk to Dickface
  • talk to the police
  • wake my son up in the middle of the night to go pick up dad (because his car broke down, wink, wink)
  • drive half an hour to a place I've never been, in the middle of the night
  • do you know how much a quarter tank of gas costs right now?
  • spend 45 minutes with Dickface next to me in my car
  • have to listen to Dickface talk - when he's drunk, mind you - for 45 minutes, while I drive him home, after I specifically ordered him to NOT talk, other than saying 'hi' to Jake, because Jake is no dummy and was already questioning why dad was in Weymouth in the middle of the night, and I did NOT want him to figure out that dad was drunk
  • be exhausted today, and have Jake be exhausted today, when I have work, and Jake had a day at the zoo with his summer camp, and on the way home last night Dickface piped up with, "oh, I already called in sick for tomorrow!" How nice for you. Hope you have a nice sleep-in. We'll be fucking exhausted, but how nice for you, Dickface.

I did get a bit of pleasure in torturing him with my music. I popped a cd in, and he had the nerve to say, "just to warn you, I am deathly allergic to Bon Jovi". Now, I can certainly understand he would assume I was popping in Bon Jovi, but don't you think that, given the situation, he should just shut up and not complain about the music??????? As it was, it was Neil Diamond anyway. And he was absolutely flabbergasted. "Do you really listen to this?" hee hee hee hee I got to torture him!

I also got some joy out of imagining what I could have said to the cop: "Officer, he did that again?!? I told him never to call me again for this! You keep him!" Wouldn't that have been fun?

Oh, he SO owes me.

In a nutshell (I know, waaaaaay too late for the nutshell), if I had been home alone and he called me like this, I would have been annoyed. But calling me when he knew that Jake was home, was the equivalant of calling his 10 year old son to come pick up him from the police station because he got busted for drunk-driving. That is just SO wrong. And I am SO angry about it.

He should have called a friend. Or a co-worker. Or his brother. Or ANYONE else. Or gone to jail. ANY of those options, before calling his kid to come bail his ass out of jail!

All ex-husbands must die.


Sheri said...

I know it was awful for you, but despite what your ex did, you did the right thing by taking the high road. And by not telling your son what was going on. *Especially* by not telling your son, and by not putting his dad down to him.

I know from the experience as the kid his age, that your high road is definitely the way to go.


Stussy88 said...

Buffyguide stalker, SB here from your thread

Okay, learn for future reference

"I'd love to come officer but I have been drinking and I cannot drive ... Perhaps you should let him drive himself home ... you don't think that would be a good idea ? ... Well, you know best, Good night"

CosmicAvatar said...

I think that was very noble and generous of you. And I understand totally how you wouldn't want your son to be affected. Besides, you and I both know that you don't need to show your son what an arsehole your ex is - he should be able figure it out for himself if he hasn't already.

That's a very nice policeman, what with the consideration to your son and all that. We need more of those.

Jess said...

I was high on the hope, at first, that he would realise exactly how much he owes you and this would be good for some getting-him-off-your-back points in the future, but his behaviour in the car put paid to that idea. I mean, how can he think it appropriate to try and dictate the CD you listen to when you get up in the middle of the night to bail his ass out of jail in a strange town? AAGH!

Podgy said...

Dickface. *sigh* I agree with Sheri. Good for you. *hug*

Meghan said...

You are a better person than I.

Far, far better.