Sunday, February 13, 2011


I know I haven't blogged in a very long time, save for 12 of 12. And even that I haven't done for the past two months. Last month I had a terrible flu and was sleeping most of the day. Yesterday, I was very tired and couldn't make the effort. Plus, my days are SO boring that it's getting embarrassing to show how boring they are for 12 of 12.

I hate my job so much. It's sucking the life out of me. I'm depressed that I can't find anything better. And I'm not even making enough money to cover my bills, and I'm pissing through my savings.

I have been very tired and depressed. I can't keep up with my housework, and my house is a disgusting mess, and then that makes me feel even worse. I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this hole, but no success so far.

This new fucking disease of mine is sucking, too. It makes me so tired, and I'm in pain, and then I'm more tired.

It's a struggle just to get laundry done, to do the grocery shopping, and keep up with the dishes. Those are the bare necessities. But the rest of the housework is suffering and making me more depressed. I'm too tired to look for a new job. Too tired to clean this fucking house up. Too tired to fix any of this. I slept most of yesterday. Today I got a LITTLE housework done, but not enough. Some shit went down with my mom that just sucked any remaining energy out of me. I am considering calling in sick to work tomorrow to work on the house some more.

There's a lot of shit between my crazy mother and my sister that's making me very anxious and depressed too, but I can't even get into that.

And I know I'm totally cheating my boy out of a decent place to live, and of a decent mom.

I need to fix this. It's just so hard right now.